omoi
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| Sat Apr 21, 2007 12:49 am [poem]do you remember? |
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I remember when we met. I was sitting somewhere alone and you casually walked up to me. You called my name and I turned to hear you. When I saw you, I was awestruck. I was totally, helplessly in love. I cried then. I actually cried.
Do you remember then?
And it was so innocent. We were newlyweds and I had to have every minute of your time. I was going to school at the time, but we could manage, right? There was no sacrifice too big when I loved you so much.
You remember, don't you?
Time passes. I write you letters. Several letters. I read them last night. A lot of them, anyway; I wrote so many of them that I couldn't get through them all. I saw the words on the page and I realized something.
Things change. I think about my affection for you, but the tears don't come like they used to. I'm thankful, but it's not the same. I wonder often how you are, but that is overshadowed by everyday circumstances now. It's sad, too. You're such an awesome person, it's just that I've changed. Things have gotten hard now. Loving you is more difficult than I thought it would be. It's not that I don't love you. I promise it's not that.
It's just that I remember.
And it breaks my heart to know that, in the letters I read, I can see my affection slipping away from the loftiness of our once passionate love. It's not that it's gone; only you could know how untrue such a statement would be. It's just that I'm not the same person anymore. I would be okay with that for the most part...
Except that I remember.
I want to renew our love. I think I have an idea how. Wanna hear? It's so great that only you could have thought of it. I remembered when we first met. There was something special I said then that I still mean with all of my heart.
Do you remember?
I told you that I hated my life, but that if you wanted to be a part of it - to take it and own it and be responsible for it - then I would be willing. A lot of things have happened since then, but nothing else that I know of can save me. I need to trust again...
Man, do I even remember?
I want to be able to understand you and see you and embrace you again. I don't want our old life back; I just want to feel alive.
That's the most precious thing I have to remember.
Do you remember? I know I do. |
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